flying south for the winter

10-18-2004
I’m in the air flying from anchorage to Atlanta via seattle, then Orlando. I am on the Orlando leg, and we just passed by an electrical storm. I have never seen anything like it in my life – it was really amazing. The sky was flashing like the paparazzi at the Oscars. And because we were passing by it rather than through it – it gave the clouds a surreal quality. I never saw actual lightening – just the flashes through the air. There was one here and then one there – and then 5 or 6 in succession going through – almost like the trail a machine gun would make. It was truly incredible. I’m not sure how long it had been going on – I had been napping as it is 1:00 am Alaska time. I’m glad God woke me up to enjoy the light show with Him! :D

So, I’m on my way back to Atlanta for winter #2. I’m going with mixed emotions this time – still the firm conviction I am to go, but without the – without the what. What is it called – that THING that I get when I am walking next to Jesus and following his every step. I am reminded of climbing Flat Top and how I watched James’ every foot move the first time. I tired to put my foot exactly where he had placed his as we navigated the rocky mountain top. As I climbed the mountain more, I became more comfortable, and began to take my own steps rather than follow his. When I was climbing with Oran I took my own steps a lot – even going different ways. Partly because I was more confident in my knowledge of the flat top terrain, and partly because with my new shoes I felt invincible. Either way, I was not as dependant on someone else to lead me – but I wasn’t really seeking new paths either. I was climbing the same trail each time and pretty much following the same path up the rocks.

This is kind of how I feel my relationship with Jesus is right now – I’m still climbing but more on my own. I’m not in that exciting place of the unknown and watching every step intently and following exactly as directed. I still recall the hesitation the first time up flat top – not knowing what was going to happen, or what it would be like, and being excited and afraid as we climbed the rocks. The danger factor seemed very high and very real compared to anything I had done in my life so far, yet I knew thousands of ascents are made up that mountain every summer! Kids do it even! It was an amazing feeling to be at the top knowing I did it by following exactly what I was told. I didn’t quit. Didn’t give up.

I want to be back in that place with you Jesus. I have done my own thing this summer. I appreciate your protection and love even when I’m not making you smile. Thank you for allowing me to know that you love me no matter what. Selfishness is my king right now – I have been serving myself rather than you Lord. Forgive me. Please give me ways to focus on others and serve others. Teach me to be unselfish – what is the opposite of selfish. Just looked in the thesaurs – it is Self LESS. Lord help me die to self and live for you. Help me know how to make this transition.